The best thing about an anonymous blog is that we all have the ability to be honest. I’m going to do my best to be as self-degrading and brutally uncensored as possible... I hope y’all enjoy it. :o)
I hate myself, I’m disgusting, how can my wife even look at me much less want to kiss me, I wish I was dead, I’m a failure, I’m weak, I’m soft, I’m not a real man, on and on and on... These are the stupid things that have run through my mind for the last 15 years. I’ve been financially successful, have a great family life, enjoy a multitude of friends and live where most people would consider paradise... but I have a hard time tying my own shoes and find it almost impossible to put on a pair of frickin’ socks. I now own a nice collection of slip-ons.
I battle with a secret depression that I cover up with a clown-like personality, booze and mass quantities of food. I’ve been a human yo-yo. I’ve been a little thinner. I’ve been a little fatter. I’ve had a few diet/exercise victories. I’ve ultimately had even more diet/exercise failures. My body is in terrible shape and even some of the most basic movements and daily functions have become a chore. My feet hurt constantly and my hip joints ache after walking just a couple blocks. I’m a mess and for some reason that I can’t put my finger on, it’s time to trim this fat ass of mine down. I don’t want to be like this any more. I want to feel good. I want my wife and kids to be proud of me. I want to be proud of myself.
As I mentioned above, I’ve had a few weight-loss victories. Instead of feeling good about them, the thought that I have gotten down to a lower weight but then gained it all back (several times), depresses me and makes me feel like a failure (several times over). I have NO self-control and hate myself for it.
My biggest weakness and the reason for the title of this blog is, you guessed it, Glazed Frickin’ Doughnuts. I have been known to eat a baker’s dozen of fresh, warm, gooey, delicious glazed doughnuts... and then gone back for more. And don’t get me wrong, I also can down more chicken wings and beer than most people would think possible. But now’s the time that I’ve chosen to draw the line. Now’s the time that I’m sick and tired of crying to myself and hiding the tears from my wife because I can’t bend over my own fat gut to reach my shoelaces. Now’s the time to take charge of my life and battle the worst enemy I’ve ever had... myself.
Tonight I joined a gym. That’s right, it’s the night before Thanksgiving and I joined a gym. Pretty funny isn’t it? Not only am I going into battle, I picked the day of all days to start... I’m going to kick that big bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy’s ass (but I’ll still have some turkey). :o)
